Life has a way of tearing off pieces of our flesh. Tiny clips and hits from the side. When I was a kid I thought it was really fun to ride my bike as free as possible. I would close my eyes and ride without hands UNTIL that one fatal day I clipped the side of a neighbor's car. The side mirror about knocked the wind out of me. I had my head in the clouds even then(haha). Let's just say I was more scraped up than the car was! Ouch. Oh, and my handle bar did put a nice scratch along the side of its red paint job! Oops. I had to ask Jesus to forgive me later because I looked around and acted like nothing happened after I caught my breath! You know you're guilty of the same!! ;) So that's the analogy that comes to mind. Circumstances, death, relationships and financial hardship all leave brutal marks. External hits become internal blows that leave us recked. Often time our way of surviving is to disappear, become numb or just run away. Our presence is in tact but our souls are missing. C'mon, you know what I'm talking about! Like that mirror that knocked the wind out of me, life has the same affect. We become a shell. Our soul puts a picture of itself on the missing section of the milk carton just hoping we'll reclaim it. What's a body without a soul? I see this robotic system of living become normalcy. I am reminded of my own response to a similar blog a friend had written. Best my memory recalls my words were that I'd decided to live my life 'awake' and that I'd rather feel pain in order to capture the beautiful moments in their fullest vibrancy. When we set out on this journey with dulled eye sight we see problems in a delusional perspective and it causes us to see color in black and white. It steals the 'moments' that make life worth living. Isn't it then when you feel most lost that you are gifted God's grace to see. He puts mud on our eyelids and restores our sight. 'I was blind but now I see'.
For me, this restoration came today. A female client of my mother's has a down syndrome son named Andrew who is close to my age and shares the same birthday. I've had the privilege of cutting his hair on several occasions. He is so full of life and contains a joy that is contagious!! He is happy for every moment. I'd like to see life through his eyes. I feel he is a pure reflection of God's loving smile upon us. Andrew and his mother only visit AZ in the winter months but Andrew went out of his way to send me the sweetest card and a book God knows I needed. As I started to read the introduction I began to cry.
Just Enough Light -Stormie Omartian
Sometimes only the step I'm on,
or the very next one ahead,
is all that is illuminated for me.
God gives just the amount of light I need
for the exact moment I need it.
At those times I walk in surrender to faith,
unable to see the future
and not fully comprehending the past.
And because it is God who has given me
what light I have,
I know I must reject the fear and
doubt that threaten to overtake me.
I must determine to be content where
I am, and allow God to get me where I need to go.
I walk forward,
one step at a time,
fully trusting that
the light God sheds is absolutely sufficient.
I am taking back my wandering soul and rediscovering my identity in Christ. He is my creator and reminds me of who I am supposed to be. I am reminded to abide in him. I want to change someones tainted perspective like Andrew changed mine. Life truly has hidden beauty that is waiting to be discovered at every waking moment.
I was going to start reading, The Lovely Bones, but I may be fully devoted to Stormie Omartian's book for the time being.....God knows I need it.
